My Beautiful Untold Secret

2011-06-17T01:23:00.000+08:00

Upset. But not accepting anymore.

2011-05-18T01:42:00.001+08:00

It has been a month. You're not forgotten.
I am heading to HK in 14hours time. Take care.

2011-04-18T02:10:00.002+08:00

Today I recd a called from my bestfriends bestfriend. She said Dylan moved on. I was so shocked. I don't know what should I do now. I feel lost. Dylan is the only person in the world that appreciate my craps. During wee hours, he accompanied me through all my sorrows. Indeed a real friend, true friend.

I really regretted for all the things that I did not tell you. I swear I really love you. Always. You will always live in my heart. And I will always remember all the times we have shared. Too much to narrate down. But no worries, I will remember them still.

2011-04-06T23:41:00.002+08:00

i wish upon all the stars, that i would ____________. i reckon this is the only way.
they say; when you thought of giving up, think of why you held on for so long.
and i dont know the answer.

i cannot forget, i cannot forgive myself.
i feel like dying.
i am not happy at all.

please help; guardian angel.

2011-02-23T01:01:00.002+08:00

Been more than a month ever since I blogged. Well life isn't as easy as I thought. Though I enjoy some moments some were just intolerable. I hate to say but yes, life would have been better if I held on. I was too weak. I regretted when she whatsapped me. To think of what that I had been missing. ;( oww. Anyway too late to regret. I just have to brave through this rough patch myself now. I hope her family is doing well especially her two daughters, Denise and Didier. May everything ends well. Ignorance is bliss.

Last weekend I went to Nongsapura with A and his friends. Had loads of fun but also quite sian coz they think they are malepigs. Zzzzzz. Damn sian to see those faces. Anyway it's over. I don't think I will have to bear that ever again. Kthxbye.

2011-01-20T00:43:00.001+08:00

Today is a sad day to blog. Firstly. My newly done nails broke mid way. It bled. Twice. Then he starts to ignore me. I'm double sad. ;(((((( no one understand me. I'm unhappy. I cried.

2010-12-07T19:38:00.001+08:00

Like a tea bag, only under hot water, you could see how strong I am.

2010-11-08T00:42:00.000+08:00

USS-ed
Nothing special actually, its the companion.
Went with boyfriend and saw esther and pat there. Had an enjoyable day!

2010-10-23T19:54:00.001+08:00

I wanna eat some unhealthy food like deep fried chicken thighs or ice cream with kinder bueno. Then sleep. That is life. Fat cheerful fun loving life. What's life when you're on diet, struggling to get slim but you miss out every good single thing in life? Marriage, kids, loving husband. Nothing of these sort. I should let go!

2010-10-13T23:20:00.001+08:00

Last week the staple went into my right middle finger and it bled. Last Monday a safety pin went into my left middle finger and it bled and left a bruised mark. Just now a staple just right across my index finger and slit open. Blood gushed out like running water. I'm so tired. No one cares anyway.

2010-10-08T22:41:00.001+08:00

finally its been a year.. ;)
happy 1st anniversary.

2010-09-12T14:41:00.000+08:00

I reckon my fairytale will never come...

2010-09-04T00:00:00.000+08:00

QUARTER OF A CENTURY

Damn not happy... Because it's going to end. 8th is the day. ;(

2010-08-29T14:05:00.001+08:00

you know, its not about winning, its about being happy.
if you're so lame then what's the point of playing right?

2010-08-23T03:40:00.000+08:00

Had a wonderful day with my boyfriend ;)

2010-08-22T04:00:00.002+08:00

I am happy just now, the feeling of being loved by your loved ones. That is the best feeling in the whole world. I love every single bit bout you, really. Muacks

2010-08-19T21:33:00.000+08:00

Today I am happy to see my boyfriend. Although it's just a 2 hours with some tears. I am contented. Take care baby.

2010-08-19T09:33:00.001+08:00

The feeling of not sleeping for the longest time is not very good, especially with my stitched mouth. ;(
I miss my boyfriend.

2010-08-18T00:42:00.001+08:00

Every night when I look up the sky,
the beautiful stars are always shining brightly.

I wish they could tell me all the truths,
even those that might hurt.

I wonder many a times.
If youre still in love with me.

2010-08-06T22:36:00.002+08:00

黑夜渗透了想念
偷不走微光闪现的千种画面
我背着伤痛离开
孤单拖着记忆支离破碎

原以为不会改变
眼泪在脸颊上干枯失去知觉

我的心挣脱了爱
跟随着夕阳埋进了海洋

为什么相爱的人却又为爱而纷争
现实的翅膀扰乱了原本幸福的气氛
我有我的过错
我有我的疑惑
藏在面对面的折磨背后
为什么让爱躲进乌云密布的天空
随着风漂流在外一点一点的散落
慢慢远离的梦
渐渐冷却冰封

心痛当初相遇的心动
慢慢远离的梦
渐渐冷却冰封

2010-08-06T19:41:00.000+08:00

I want a happy long weekend! Muah!
may god wish me luck!

2010-07-28T20:12:00.000+08:00

In life, all of us has an unspeakable secret, an irreversible regret, an unreachable dream and an unforgettable love.

2010-07-26T01:36:00.000+08:00

I have nothing to say. Everything's changed. I hate to say but I really feel like dying.

2010-07-19T22:59:00.002+08:00

Today, my volcano erupted. I said the worst things that I shouldn't had said. And I found out that I'm not even comparable to your dogs! How upset am I...
You really very cruel to me. How can someone be so cruel? I had already been hurt so deeply in 2008. Now you made my scar more vivid. I'm afraid of what may happen soon. There's no one to share my sorrow because the one I trusted most is facing his back on me now.

"just don't touch my dogs, I don't care what you want to do!"
"I have to be assertive from now on."

my heart is pierced 12millions times and then it broke into 25millions pieces.
I need a fridge and $5000 to be the usual candy, I'm so vexed and stuck in such situations. I feel like a loser, seriously. I lost my boyfriend's love to my pride. I feel like I lose everything in the world.

输了你，赢了全世界又如何？

good night love story. Sorry, really really really very very very tired this time. I lost my directions in life.

2010-07-15T21:48:00.002+08:00

never been so close to utopia.
then suddenly *BOOM*
im back to earth.
thanks anyway.

for the 3consecutive days ever since i started work,
my lovely boyfriend had been going fishing at night.
how nice.

now i feel lonely.

2010-07-14T22:10:00.002+08:00

CITI LIFE PHASE 2

erm, as you can see from the caption, im back to citi~~ wulala~~
no more reporting numbers, no more casa & cc updates.
just achieving work-life balance (:

COOL.

and yes.. im waiting for my volcano to erupt!
mUah*

HAHAHA.

well.. im not STEWWWWWPIDDDD luh!

and oh yes, my new boss Cecilia is damn cool and efficient luh!

YAY! (:

2010-07-02T13:14:00.000+08:00

After a while, you know it's not worthwhile.

2010-06-24T01:54:00.000+08:00

Rem the song about a stone falling in love with a star?
I miss that song now.

世界末日

2010-06-23T16:17:00.000+08:00

I hate this drag period

2010-06-11T00:09:00.000+08:00

I didn't know I had long feel dead..
You break your promise and I am going to break mine.

2010-06-08T00:46:00.000+08:00

To a point that I find it redundant to go on pills.

2010-06-03T13:26:00.000+08:00

The golden hand in the darkest days brought me hope.

2010-05-23T01:51:00.000+08:00

It's just there no matter how hard I try.
Maybe I should just let go everything.

2010-05-08T02:30:00.000+08:00

Hope ah ma recovers asap n uncle Johnny recovers asap!!
I am super upset!

2010-04-28T01:32:00.000+08:00

The sight of her is irritating me. Fml!

2010-04-19T21:40:00.003+08:00

Fixing a broken heart.

fixed my mont blanc pen which was a gift on my 23rd birthday. Costed me $220. WTF!
Any-o-way. My heart is aching due to the price ):

and also, rolling interest is killing me! I hope someone could help but I realized the only savior is myself.
No one will help you if you're not helping yourself.
Good luck have fun. Either you choose love or you choose your life which is your reputation.
But to think about it. How it all started. Hmm. I flipped through all my blog post earlier on, and realized I was debt free in july09! I didn't need much cash money that time. What had happened is obvious!
Bah!

Been driving myself to my own deep grave. To someone who is unsure. Someone I may not be able to depend on is sorrow (:
candy, you chose your own path.
Live it up! (:

Ugh, it's killing me!

2010-04-11T21:18:00.001+08:00

Am sick. Lovely things boyfriend did: hang the clothes up, made eno for me, kiss me on my forehead.
Thanks darling (:

2010-04-11T17:34:00.000+08:00

((: Sunday evening.. Been fishing for the past 3 days. Paranoid bout being tanned.

2010-03-31T19:40:00.000+08:00

March is so gooooooood. I love March!!!!! I love my boyfriend~~~~~

2010-03-23T01:04:00.001+08:00

First time!
in my memory, i went to a library in the past 10 years. its so zomg la.
so much changes.

wahaha. feel bit noobish!

went swimming as well, bwahaha.

TANNED! ):
@#$%$#%#$@!&*&

2010-03-06T20:01:00.000+08:00

他说我变了，其实他也变了。
我们真的变了吗？

2010-02-28T23:51:00.003+08:00

No wonder laaa.. Where got such generous pple in the world!!! Fancy inviting me to her place when the parents not at home.. Chey.. Bo liao.. What a stuck up girl you are. Sore loser.

2010-02-26T00:37:00.001+08:00

Fuck man! Keep low disk space when there's 10gb of space! WTF! I swear I gonna buy a new laptop to play maple! Play until you die!
Fuck Asus! Fuck you n fuck off!!

2010-02-25T03:12:00.001+08:00

Happy 2months(140days)..
Love you~

feels like we've been through so much though!

2010-02-21T11:52:00.001+08:00

Eventually
we went to Esther place, played black jack, Texas hold'em, went to uncle Johnny's place, then his mom's place! Food food food and more food!! (:
fat girl!

2010-02-18T18:50:00.008+08:00

I mj until my eyes tear, my nose runs, my fingers bleed. LOL!! Zomg!
Anyway, I hope my boyfriend cld understand that what I do is for his own gd. Don't wish to affect his life adversely.
And I hope I cld resume my own life soon! I hv been too engrossed into his life.. I forget the beautiful world of mine.

Maybe I shouldn't have quit smoking! It makes me think that I'm being taken for granted! Urgh!

P.s. I hate being my bf's housewife (bcos I think everything is taken for granted!) and this occupation especially!

2010-02-17T01:01:00.003+08:00

So I reckoned it's the worst nightmare for this consecutive 3 years.

The first time, it happened in oct08.. Then omg... It's another incident! Exactly the same!! zomgwtf!!!!
All in all, I'm still quite upset. Because I believed that I'm under controlled. Sigh. I need to be dominant for my character!
I feel overwhelmed.

2010-02-14T00:46:00.000+08:00

The trust is dead in me.
I seriously think so.
I'd rather be his friend.

2010-02-13T01:45:00.000+08:00

Should I feel tired? I actually am. Love-sick.

2010-02-12T00:09:00.002+08:00

Wish all my guests from this blogspot a happy Chinese new year! (:

please wait for my victory post thereafter.
I am starting to think that I am super evil.
Awww, but I like ((:

It's all for my own sake! I'm selfish!
I will be done too soon!! * thumbs up *

2010-02-09T08:42:00.003+08:00

Today i gotta state 10reasons what I like about you, cos youre always asking me what I like about you, so there you go:

1. Youre always ready to be there for me. (I adore you for this)
2. You went the extra mile to serve me drink late at night when youre super tired.
3. You treat me like your princess. (But Im willing to be your slave. lol)
4. You picked up all the bones in the 'White-Stomach' fish for me, and you got your sis jealous.
5. Youre proud of me even though I am so fat. ):
6. You offered to buy new year food for my family when no one else did before.
7. Youre the only guy whom tasted my homemade Muahchee.
8. You give me room to grow with you.
9. Youre sexy. hee.
10. Youre independent and polite and my family likes you. esp my mom.

and that is what I like about you. and the list goes on.
Why I love you? I cant tell why, I just fell in love with you.

What I dont like about you...
The list is even longer.... HAHAHAHAHA..
just kidding..

2010-02-07T22:32:00.001+08:00

Short & Sweet.

Contented.

2010-02-05T23:57:00.000+08:00

601st post:
nth much to say.. ):

2010-02-03T00:22:00.001+08:00

Made muah Chee for bf n his family.
Fry until hand sour ):

upset........................

2010-02-01T10:36:00.000+08:00

I'm very very very fat!! I need to do something 'bout it!!! Help!!

2010-01-31T23:34:00.007+08:00

Went to alvin's grandpa place this evening.. Before that we are having lunch at kovan... (: had dinner at pioneer. Alvin's grandpa resembles my late ye ye... Really alot.. Cook nice good food, joke the same way, smokes... Hiding his painful experiences behind laughter.

I miss ye ye ):
*teardrop*

ye ye hope you're fine at wherever you are...
Miss you so much!

2010-01-31T09:43:00.003+08:00

Truly Happy!

Ytd went out with baby to collect his medical report in the morning.. Wah Lau eh.. All perfect.. Anyway it's gd to know too...
We went home to nap till one in the afternoon. Hee. Then we took can to go tpy cut hair.. But in the end nvr cut luh.. Too many pple...
We went to anchor point to shopp!! Queensway to shopp as well.. Baby bought one blazer, two pants and I bought him the bagu that he like for so long.. Hee.. Ate meatballs n chic wings at ikea... Loves... Lol.. Then we went to Chinatown... To see Jennifer auntie store.. Keke.. Saw sandy ee, Dinah Mummy and the notorious lil lion dance kid.. Super cute la... We took a train home..!

The train was super packed... I hate the feeling of pushing n being pushed.... It's like... Ughhhh!!!! Anyway... At night went to play l4d with baby... So long no play... Totally forgotten how to play.... Sianzzzzzz

Heng baby smart.. We left early (: went home to sleep!! Sweet sweet!! Muackssssss love you boyfriend.

P.s. Posted this entry using my iPhone.. Lazy to type everything out...

The title says everything! (:

2010-01-28T08:08:00.002+08:00

I can go on smiling like that knowing that you will love me always.

(:

2010-01-27T14:45:00.003+08:00

Really Really Happy Smile.

Had been really really happy these few days with Alvin.
Made me laugh so much like never before.
Love you baby.
He is the best boyfriend in the whole wide world.
I hope you heard this darling boy.
Youve made it.

Lets get some workout soon!!! *finds my running gears*
:D

Been resting so much, all the time in the world. This is the best time I could ever have.
I love this feeling.
Woots.

2010-01-25T15:35:00.003+08:00

Malacca-ed

Went to Malacca with Darling and his best friends. Namely Wai, Eric, Pat, Esther, and one UFO they said. LOL.

It was fun except for the darling talking part with UFO for 3hours. It dampens my mood during the Night Market. Sighs. WTFUFO. Argh. Waste my time with my boyfriend. I promise to trash you in MJ from now onwards. I rather let people win 5 tai full also not you. BLOCK you to the max. *CHILL*

We went to ate their "Recommended" food from the website. But to me, I feel that the simple Ondeh Ondeh on the street is nicer. The recommended food is overrated. The Chicken Rice Ball, Chendol and the Peranakan Nonya-styled Restaurant that served heavily-spiced food. Only the Fermented Bean Beancurd is nice!(Okay I agree that I love beancurd) Haha.

Today is a Monday, 3:42pm. Sent my resume, ate my porridge in the morning, cleared all my misunderstandings with boyfriend, what should I do next? I yearn to go swimming, gonna try my luck to ask my brother like now! No sun, no sunburnt! (:

I have been sunkissed by Mr Powerful Shining Ray in Malacca fyi.

PAIN! and the ZOMG heels got me sucidal during my lonely walk in the Night Market.

P.s. I saw hell loads of fake GUCCI N LVs. I promised to get MYSELF the REAL ONES SOON. (not until I found a new job or boyfriend sees this entry! heh!)

I doubt he will know about this place. He is resistant to visit my blog cos he think its my personal space. Funny right? Actually if he reads my blog, he will definately know me more.

---

Just finished watching Hi My Sweetheart and I was upset that it was the last episode(13). BUT WAIT! theres still 14!!!! WEEEE!! Dalung and Baozhujie finally got married as I see in the preview!.... Happy ending. I like (: Its like after so much.

My prince charming faster come and marry me off oh!! Haaa! J/k...
Actually I prefer having a baby than getting married.
I like the idea of bringing up a child in your own way.
Then he or she will be like 10000% behaving like you. Hahaha. Thats fun! (:

2010-01-25T15:20:00.002+08:00

Stop Criticizing; Start Loving.

Isnt him all you ever wanted? Intelligent, short-haired (neat & smart) and love you dearly... Why are you hestitating your trust then? Deep in you, I know that youve been hurt badly before.. But it should not stop you from loving someone else. Give him all the trust, patient, love, encouragement and you would see the withered flower in you, blooming again as time pass.

Although there are signs that he tell lies,
Just remember its white lies,
They wont hurt,
He tell you white lies because he dont want you to be unhappy.

Stop saying he dont prioritize you.
You have my support no matter what may happen.
He really love you, I will always love you too.

P.s. ''I'' and ''You'' is both Me.

2010-01-19T22:44:00.002+08:00

Broken off the physical icy cold cuffs..

Finally found the courage to bid Shittybank goodbye. No doubt the pay is good, but what my family can offer is far more valuable than what my job/career could ever offer. Now it's turn to free the lock in this heart of mine. The ever smiling candy could cry to sleep by the thought of reconcilation of this pair of ex lover.

How could I ever get rid of this insecurity?
It's hurting me. I trust you darling, I just don't trust her.

2010-01-19T02:10:00.002+08:00

This is a procrastinated post.

After 'night dreaming' for so long, finally thought of blogging! Just finished reading an application 'why do I marry you anyway?' from iPhone. Very interesting insights that are proven useful. Talked about giving encouragements, managing finance, and the different levels of commitments between spouses and couples, what impacts does divorce hv in children. They used rather simple yet strong words to convey these information that benefits me. Managing securities and fears; which had always been an issue to me.
Enough said for my love life, I think it is perfect in my eyes still, at least to now.

Work life;
I think I have an issue here. It's either he don't like me, or our lunar zodiac just crash in the year of tiger. I feel that he is finding trouble in me. He don't recognize my hard work but he keep penalizing my mistakes. I think I have to do something to stop this from going on. I had prepared my resume (and also my resignation letter to tender anytime). This should not be a way manager should treat his team mate. Suddenly it made me realize the world is full of bias and superficial.

Now it makes me wonders,
what has the world becoming to?
I lost 2years of youth and freedom to Shittybank.
They inculcated me the power of spending and left me in deep debts.
Fuck you Shittybank.

I miss times when I was with my mom and brother. It was at it's minimal when Alvin came into my life.
I should give this job a miss now.

2010-01-16T09:49:00.001+08:00

Karma befalls on me.

2010-01-14T22:25:00.002+08:00

Home today.. Blogging using my iPhone... Lappy on hols at boyfriend's house.... Anyway something that I experienced today, just wanna share with anyone who read my blog;

what you never know, will never hurt you.

And I hate myself for knowing too much.. Now I'm upset and hurt deep inside.
He lied. He told me he will never tell a lie.

2010-01-12T21:47:00.000+08:00

What make a woman so upset and disappointed is not that her man has no time for her.. But seeing her man got so involved in another woman's life, knowing that you had already tried your best to give world's best treatment to him..

虽然我爱你，但我们的爱情不能活在你和她的世界里。你必须将她从你的世界删除。对不起，请原谅我的自私。

2010-01-10T13:23:00.002+08:00

Funny.. It warms my heart anyway...

Last night went to bed at 2am... Something happened which was hilarious.. I was sleeping beside a slab of wall when I put down my left hand to the left side wall.. Boyfriend from my right suddenly grab my both hands so tight.. LOL!! Think he was dreaming.. I pat him to sleep.. Asked him this morning.. He said he cannot remember.. Maybe he thought I falling off from the bed.. Hahahaha it was very funny... Hurhur
-.-

bored@work.

2010-01-09T19:37:00.002+08:00

kthxbye.

I am over pananoid. I need a cure to it.
It is the feeling of truth which I dont dare to face.
Because its hurting me deep inside.
I love you and I hate you.

This love is overrated.

2010-01-07T11:07:00.002+08:00

99days since we first met (:

been through so much in this three months. Really glad of what you had given me and what you compromised in this relationship. I really appreciate your effort... Thank you for braving through these few months with me... I think I love you a little more this time..

2010-01-06T00:33:00.002+08:00

I'm glad that something happened eventually. Being myself, I procrastinated new year's resolution!! Hee...
First of all this post may be a little too late, even Xmas ended.. Haha....
Secondly, I thank God for leading me to you.. You're god sent apart from the ex gf stuff..
Lastly, this is a list of new year resolutions:

1. Quit smoking.. (James brought up an interesting point, saying that I am only stop smoking ain't quit smoking.. Hmm that triggered me to think twice too.)

2. Save up $5k in 4 months for my house renovations!! (Jesus! Have to stop boozin', clubbing, singing, shopping, and eating so much)

3. Spend my eating tidbits time to fight for more sales (this will act as a catalyst to #2)

4. Quit taking cab so often. (only when neccessary)

5. Get a queen sized bed for ourselves@hougang. (seriously I hate squeezing but it is you that's why I don't mind darling)

6. Shed weights!!!! (has been my resolution for a few years.. Keep rebouncing..) *sobs*

7. Try to get into ERA and grab as much $$$ as possible in the shortest time..

8. Spend more time with A.... (I think he will find me irritating soon lol)

9. Always keep in mind that I owe mom so much that I can never repay her this lifetime.

10. Class3!!! (stop procrastinating!!!!)

11. Always praise Lord.

12. Atone my all sins by abiding instructions given by my loved ones' always.

13. Throw my temper away.. (never come back)

14. Quit laughing at bimbos & noobs.

15. Put on my lovely smile everywhere I go.

16. And I would to fall in love again and again with Alvin for the rest of my life, even for the next trillion zillion lifetimes. I will never get enough of you darling. I love you so much..

17. Having breakfast with you is simply bliss. And I'm going to do it till you want me to stop having bfast w you..

18. Whip up something nice for him on vday!

19. Have the courage to cut my hair short.

20. Be his ideal girlfriend fiancée and wife (:

2009-12-28T18:11:00.002+08:00

I am super tired. I wonder if sleep had deeply affected my weight. How come I am still so fat even if I eat one meal per day. Walk here and there still so heavy. Please help.

2009-12-27T10:00:00.004+08:00

Today is the 3rd day of bliss.
Ytd worked at AMK with Jaron sis.. So funny na..
Watched bodyguards and assassin with boyfriend..
Super nice show I must say.. Talked about sun zhong san negotiation to a democratic society.
After that, went to Suzuki place to discuss ' bout the trip..
Dunno whether boss will gimme off or not hor.. Eeeeep!
Prays* then have to extend my pp too!~
loads of pple gng luh (:
hmmmmm... Now am on my way to Tampines.. Cab driver is uber slow n his car is super jerky..

Miss you my baby darling boyfriend sweetiepie so much.. (:
Enjoy your bball.. Your happiness is my joy.

2009-12-25T11:55:00.001+08:00

Sweetest Merry Christmas.... (:

Received a home as present. Love you darling.

2009-12-18T10:50:00.002+08:00

It marks the 30days of my smoke-free relationship.
So happy :)) And one more big news!!~ I finally bought a home for mummy! :))) Its situated at Serangoon North Ave 1.. Super near my sweetheart and bestie :)) happy ya!! Hehe * floats *

2009-12-15T23:48:00.002+08:00

Finally.

I see traits of Virgo! in me~~!!
Was pasting the screen protector of my iphone...
Wahlao.. keep bubbling inside..
pissed off.. n got super moody..
=.=
now i am ok.. =]
jailbroke!! darling helped me to.
heh heh, d/l many many free app!!! Keke.. So happy!!

2009-12-14T12:47:00.002+08:00

GAY~ for a while. ((:

Finally bought iPhone luhh... Couple phone with baby... he took black and i took white... (: I got it at a super cheap rate cos got $50 m1plat rebate and $100 porting rebate. total only paid $98. Haha..

Another thing worth mentioning is that, Dad is driving taxi soon! (: Finally found himself another job, which is good! Although the income is lesser, shouldnt be a problem raising my twins sister. (:

Suddenly the world is so wonderful again. *Flops on the meadow*
Heh heh... (:

2009-12-13T11:05:00.002+08:00

I want you to be my last because I love you.
And I hate the process of falling in love all over again with a stranger, getting to know him, understanding him, its sucha chore.

But do you see a future in us like I do?

2009-12-06T21:06:00.002+08:00

almost a decade.

will you go back if youre being asked to?
to go or not to go, that is the question.

big big sigh. ever again.
what the fuck.

2009-12-05T22:10:00.004+08:00

Tombstone of Geocities.

Didnt know it shutted down on 26th Oct '09. Wahlao!!! Just before I managed to get some glimpses of it.. its gone!! perfect memories~* Now I dont dare to trust online stuffs too much! I wonder if blogger will close in future! ): All the memories....will then POOFS! sighs... Maybe its fate!

Anyway, I saw Ryan @ Vivo last saturday. Rather shocked. He had golden hair now. We didnt say hi or smiled at each other like we do. We pretended to be strangers. Good for me at least. :/ Saw Xinjie & Eiko @ Cityhall. What luck.. lol.. meeting all the friends from the past... I hope it isnt a sign to "Hui Dao Guo Qu". Cos its super past tense. (: Can you imagine Gunbound buddies? LOL.. some kids dont even know whats gunbound loh... hahahahaa...

Work has been great. Numbers are coming in rather fast paced this month which is GOOD!
Played Mahjong with Alv, Seb, ZY last night. Lost $13. TSKKK... Nxt Target is break even!

Regarding my relationship, my intuition does not give advise at all this time round. I am quite confused if he is planning to let known this relationship soon or are we going to be in the dark forever? Am I waiting for X'mas? Or am I waiting for nothing? Sometimes, it breaks my heart when I know that you're not quite ready to commit yet. But the other most of the times, you really made me smile. ALOT. I smile for thinking of you that you will be with me for the rest of my life.

But some a little time, he give me this insecurity that I cannot understand him at all. Everchanging.
What should I do? I am quite lost and I am struggling all alone.

You told me that
My happiness is your joy,
My laughter is your strength,
My love is your courage,
My care is your aspiration,
And so,
My wish is your command..
And that,
My faithfulness is your eternity.

As long as the truth holds for these, I will be loving you with all my life.

2009-12-01T23:51:00.001+08:00

UNHAPPY!

2009-11-28T21:04:00.003+08:00

At the end of the day...
He takes away all the agony left in me, love me, hug me and sleep beside me.
I love him.

But am anticipating whats gonna happen SOON. ):
Fairytales are short-lived I reckoned. Sighs nevermind. Maybe True Love just dont love me at all. (: My heart aches a little as I am typing this entry. But nevertheless.. The photos of the week:

Hmm. Hell loads of pics.. the rest can be found at my facebook! (:
http://www.facebook.com/ccandii

I dreamt of weird dreams! I dreamt of mom giving kenji $3k angbao for his marriage with neko. I felt happy for the marriage but not the $3k. LOL

Mhmm...

到现在为止，我觉得一切都只是个未知数。要在爱情里毕业，必须用一生的时间。而及不及格要在你临死之前的那一刻，成绩单才会放榜。

Good night Blog.

2009-11-20T22:49:00.004+08:00

I am gay.

The day before I was at Paragon, I saw Leon korkor! Yesterday I was at woody lands SMRT, I saw Daryll Mackenzie, Today, I was at Orchard Tangs, I went to find Erwin. He told me about Kenji Terak. Lol. Just so coincidence. I am happy for all of them. Seeing that they are alright and happy. But whatever is the past I must put down. I must live my present and awaits my future. (:

For two years, I had been smoking. I am quitting smoking already.
And the same guy who taught me to smoke 2years ago, asked me to smoke again last wednesday.
I rejected his offer! I am determined this time.

I love this special guy in my life now! I really do. (: Smileeeee...

Time to work 9am!! Signing off Candy

2009-11-16T17:01:00.002+08:00

It has been more than a month. I cant believe I am still hesitating. All I know is that I wanted to love him so badly. I cannot cope with the pain from the past. I am afraid of getting hurt again.

Although everything has been in place.. I cannot be complacent.. There isnt any fairytale in the world. Everything happens for a reason.

I wonder how long will he love me.

2009-11-13T06:12:00.001+08:00

Life is a box of chocolate..

Enjoyed Forrest Gump. Enjoyed Alvin's accompany; Its simply bliss.
I love my life with him now.
So much.

2009-11-05T22:42:00.003+08:00

SICK.

It struck me suddenly. I am boss-sick; Sick of my boss.
Maybe its time to move on.
He is giving me too much pressure which I know of.
And now insecurities joined in.
Sigh.
BIG Sigh.
I dont want to grow up.
Great power comes with great responsibilities. I am utterly upset.

2009-11-04T22:08:00.001+08:00

2009-10-27T02:18:00.003+08:00

Youre my darling. Youre the source of my happiness.
And I love you so.

2009-10-23T22:02:00.004+08:00

Alvin lost to me finally!!!!! suuu TT "Now I have a free dinner!"

ten penis eye bee see!

missin' you!

twist!

-_- eyes. hahahaa

On my way to heaven.

Fave snack; used to be.

Me, going to meet Mr yeo. (:

Shinshin & Xiongxiong. Theyre cutie pie. They ate Boyfriend's fish! LOL

Me; james wedding day.

Hello Peeps!

I have been spending alot of time with Alvin. I lost track for blogging a little. Hee. Alvin is love. (: He has been very very sweet to me, and I am really really happy now. But on the other hand, Mom isnt really happy haha =X I guess she miss me thats all. Hehe. Anyway, I am back home and now I am going to prepare.. later I am heading to ECP for prawning keke. With Sueann and her boyfriend and Jaron(most prolly).

"You're the nicest girl that I had been with. Just to let you know. And I thank god for leading me to you."

I fell deeply for words. And I know I shouldnt tell anyone my weak point. Yeap.

Anyway, now I am on very very very strict diet ahahhaa.. If not my Christmas will never come! ): And I have a super big surprise(plan b)for Alvin on Christmas. Actions speak louder than words. ((:

Thats all folks. Till nx entry! (:

2009-10-16T09:51:00.001+08:00

His last words..

Kenji - says (01:23):
take care.
Kenji - says (01:24):
i juz read all ur blog
Kenji - says (01:25):
all along, i thought this is what i want??
Kenji - says (01:25):
be happy ok?
Kenji - says (01:26):
anyway, this time being i might be playing around. but i didn't really fall on others.
Kenji - says (01:26):
anyway, anna sui is a brand.
Kenji - Been With Me Is Hell. Been With Him Is Heaven. says (01:29):
thanks bee.

2009-10-15T23:37:00.002+08:00

(●´ω｀●) You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.

And when the truths hurt, its time for me to get back to my dreams.

I'm rather selfish in love I must say.

2009-10-15T04:54:00.002+08:00

Happiness that was left unsaid..

He actually discussed to his sister about me? Haha.. He is so cute luh.. I found out from his sister. and was laughing uncontrollably. He said I am bubbly and cheerful. (: Because I'd choose to start the day off with 'Smiley' day. And yeap, for the past few days, I was staying in his house to enjoy his company. He made sucha a good host! (: He entertained me in all ways. Hahaha! I thought that, him crossing my path in life, is the most fortunate thing that can ever happen to me. He always made me feel appreciated even if sometimes I couldn't fulfil what he requested for. He is god sent.

Last morning, he flew off to Perth. ): I started to miss him during my Savvy Traveller's training. Gotten full marks on the 2nd attempt(Side note).

He msged me @around 5pm. I was so excited luh! But on the other hand, I had to think for his bills.. so yea, we didnt talk much! ): Doesnt matter, we can always have loads of time together when he comes back... Boyfriend I miss you.. Tk Cr.. Good night..

你是我的幸福吗

P.S. I missed out Yalin's Hen's night and Kelly's birthday party. How stupid to fall asleep!

2009-10-11T04:37:00.003+08:00

boyfriend is playing scrabble with me... I kept losing ):

Happy Sha La La La

Saturday is a happy day for me! Although I wasnt feeling so well.. Sights of him made me sane. Boyfriend accompanied me to Tampines1 for lunch! He also bought Ai Xin Tea for me.. So sweet right.. Lastly a peck on my lips secretly before we parted... Simply bliss!

Sometimes I dont believe good things just happened to me like that.. And I know there will be a price to pay for sure. Boyfriend texted me at night and we talked on phone at 3am just before he wanna goes to bed. So I reckoned I am the last person he thinks of, before he closes his eyes? (:
I am smiling heartily deep within.

Although I am still in the midst of understanding him, from what I see, he isnt that sort. And I like him alot! ((: Good night sweet.

2009-10-10T05:27:00.002+08:00

8th October 2009

Every year's October bound to have a special thing happening. it had happened ever since 2007.
We went to HK cafe for my meal. Had a french toast and also a Har gao plus my all time fave Mango Milk. I think I am really in love with mango(not Floyd!!!)! I like mango juice and Snapple's Mango Madness. Its so nice loh! Haas.

Anyway we started off so gently and simple..
Something that is obstructing my mind.
He knows I am a smart girl and he subtling put it that way.
Maybe its just my luck.

I really hope everything will be smooth.

2009-10-07T06:00:00.003+08:00

sweet tooth's from sebas.

---

Embracing Imperfections

When I was a little girl, my mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then. And I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work. On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage, and extremely burned toast in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed! Yet all my dad did was reach for his toast, smile at my mom, and ask me how my day was at school. I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter and jelly on that toast and eat every bite! When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the toast. And I'll never forget what he said. 'Baby, I love burned toast.'

Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night, and I asked him if he
really liked his toast burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said,
'Debbie, your Momma put in a hard day at work today and she's real tired. And besides a little burnt toast never hurt anyone! You know, life is full of imperfect things...and imperfect people. I'm not the best housekeeper or cook.'

What I've learned over the years is that learning to accept each other's faults and choosing to celebrate each other's differences is the one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship. Burnt toast should never be a deal breaker. We could extend this to any relationship in fact as understanding is the base of any relationship, be it a husband-wife or parent-child or friendship!!"

Don't put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket but into your own.

68361912

2009-10-05T10:18:00.004+08:00

Darling so kawaii ne.

Small husband, Big husband, Submissive wife & Lin (Birthday girl)

Falling like the rain.

then being stuck in the middle of nowhere. well done.
Youre outta my league boy. (:
-------
I am heading for my swim now like finally!!! (: HEHEHE!!!!
Everything starts from today... I reckon I can start my life anew.
I want to live with you, and I think that would be the price to pay. Candy Jiayou ok ((: Hugss*

2009-10-02T01:03:00.002+08:00

If he happens to read this entry. I just wanna tell him I am happy and thanks for everything he could do to cheer me up. like his broadcasting jokes, like the way he make himself look silly(which I think he is not silly at all, he is damn smart), trying to find convo, and his friendly hug. Coz he forgotten he owe me a kiss, not at the toe though. =p

K luh time to sleep. tired luh.

Good night sweetheart princess. lollllll

2009-10-01T00:09:00.002+08:00

The night before, I fell asleep right after I reached home shortly. I slept for 3hours. I had a nightmare which I cannot recall and I got up to off my laptop and set the alarm on my cellphone. I was quite furious when boss smsed me to cover SMRT Yishun booth the next day, I went back to sleep after sending some sms-es to Alvin.

I went to Cityhall to meet my customer in the morning 830am. Got scolded for asking the wrong documents and additional documents.. ZZZ.. He had those Indian-slanged-English then I also dont know what he talking about luh. So from instant application become pending application again. Sian loh. Straight away went to AMK for work. Reached at 915... Report strength liao then met Longfei for breakfast at subway~* Yummy.... lol..

Work is fun today... Cos Level 1 is SK and Karine. Can talk cock. After working first shift at about 5pm, I went to Yishun to cover an asshole who keep taking MCs when he is supposed to stationed at Yew Tee and Yishun booths. Ruined my half day off! I hate him!

Went to paint my nails~ Mrs O'leary Bqq Red. W44. Its a very nice colour from OPI. hehe. Im going to get that for myself. =P After work, went to find YY and Laura for dinner.. Laura is sucha adorable girl unlike her mom.... Irritating.. lol.. :X I took a few photo of her with me... Will upload soon... (: God Bless! Hearts!

P.S. Loneliness is the biggest enemy which had defeated me.. ):

2009-09-27T03:35:00.002+08:00

Angry!! That monkey better dont come and provoke me anymore!! hmph!! Si malau! rah! I wont let such animal to ruin my mood.

Anyway after work today, I went to Ling's birthday celebrations with big and small hubby. WTS and kenneth. hahaha. So happening can! I managed to get 4pple into the pool. Oh ya, we were at Cafe Del Mar. Very nice chilling place (:

Hmm.. later working at orchard tangs. I hate. I gonna sleep soon. Shagged.

And I miss you.

2009-09-25T02:32:00.003+08:00

Medical-Left.

I was on Mc ytd. Fever. then sore throat. then super tired from the last few days. sighs. Thank god Seb & Alvin kept me entertained the whole day through. (: I wont deny they are really nice pple apart from being sacarstic at times.

Anyway. Good night love story. Its time for my bed.

P.S. When love goes wrong, nothing goes right.

2009-09-22T23:37:00.003+08:00

It feels like a decade ever since Ive blogged the previous entry, but funny thing is, when I looked back, its just a few days. Most prolly these few days were so packed that it made me feel this way.

I don't know how should I feel about Kenji because I really have no idea what is he thinking. I had let him fly. Maybe he is happier this way. I definately am; despite being lonely most of the time. The workload is getting too much for me recently. No sales officer wake up at 6am in the morning one luh. Its gettin' ridiculous really. It frustrates me loads.

I feel kinda of stressed up in the middle of my night sometimes and I perspire on a rainy night. ): No good. Time for some real workout and right diet! Awaits December!~